


i'll love your shadow

by marcel



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Brief description of a panic attack, Chinguline, M/M, background baeksoo, how do feelings, teenagers getting drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-08
Updated: 2014-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-09 11:45:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7800604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marcel/pseuds/marcel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Former babysitter extraordinaire Park Chanyeol comes home from college and unexpectedly takes one last job - watching 17-year-old Sehun for the night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'll love your shadow

**Author's Note:**

> ah yes the only chanhun i ever wrote and loved and then never went back to (sobs) i think this was the start of my Putting Chinguline In Everything
> 
> (originally posted on 9/8/14)

Chanyeol doesn’t cry when they pull into his driveway, but he does get a little sniffly. He hasn’t been home in a few months, too busy with classes to leave campus during the last break, and the sight of his house’s front door floods him with relief. Kyungsoo gives him a weird look, but is too busy checking if he parked straight to say anything. Chanyeol wipes at his dry eyes just in case.

He jumps out of the car as soon as the engine shuts off and manages to take three steps toward his house before Kyungsoo yanks him back by the hood of his sweatshirt.

“Get your shit out of the trunk first,” Kyungsoo says, but he sounds more tired than annoyed, and Chanyeol gives him a sheepish grin before following him to the back of the car.

“Thanks again for the ride,” he says as Kyungsoo unlocks the trunk and lifts it open. “I’ll pay you back for gas next week.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

Chanyeol stares at him. “Are you sure? It’s not a big deal, I can give you--”

He cuts off when Kyungsoo shoves a heavy cardboard box into his arms. “I said don’t worry,” he says, turning back to the trunk to lift a second box out. “Your company on the drive was payment enough.”

He places the second box on top of the first, and Chanyeol ignores the strain in his arms to peer at him around the stack. “Really?”

“No.” Kyungsoo picks up a third, significantly smaller box to carry himself, and a plastic bag, which he hooks over Chanyeol’s arm. “That’s got your alcohol in it, so be careful.”

They march up the driveway and into the house, where Chanyeol barely manages to kick his shoes off before he stumbles down the hall to shove his bedroom door open and drop the boxes unceremoniously on the ground. It’s mostly clothes, as far as he remembers from packing the day before, and if the ominous _crack_ was something important, then whatever, he’ll deal with it later.

He heads to the kitchen while Kyungsoo adds the third box to the top of the pile, placing the bag of clinking bottles on the table before doubling back to meet Kyungsoo at the door.

“See you next week,” Kyungsoo sighs, bending down to put his shoes back on.

“You could come with us tonight, if you want,” Chanyeol suggests, leaning against the wall. “It’s just me, Jongdae, Baekhyun, maybe a couple other guys. You don’t even have to drink.”

Kyungsoo snorts. “Yeah, because I _definitely_ want to go to a party with Baekhyun.”

“Why not?” Chanyeol asks, brow furrowing. “He really likes you.”

“I’m sure he does,” Kyungsoo deadpans, standing up, “but I don’t want to be around him when he’s sober, much less when he’s smashed.”

Chanyeol frowns. “Is this about that time at Junmyeon’s christmas party, because I really didn’t know he was going to--”

“Next week, Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo cuts him off, and pats him on the shoulder before exiting the house. With a sigh, Chanyeol closes the door behind him and trudges back to his bedroom.

As soon as his bed is in sight he takes a running jump and collapses face-first onto the blankets. It’s times like this, when he can drop everything and finally _relax_ , that Chanyeol wonders why he ever decided to go to a college so far from home. Not that college isn’t a good time - especially with a roommate like Kyungsoo and a schedule that doesn’t ever make him wake up before ten o’clock. Besides, in a few minutes he’ll remember the specialized media-producing communications degree of his dreams that he’s mere months away from completing. For the time being, though, he closes his eyes and lets the familiar home-smell in his bedsheets override everything else.

It lulls him halfway into a nap before his cell phone rings, and he takes a moment to groan out loud before fishing it out of his pocket and squinting at the screen. There are enough hearts by the name for him to quickly deem it important enough to answer.

“Hi mom,” he mumbles into the phone, then turns it away from his mouth so he can yawn as his mother sing-songs a greeting back to him.

“I’m just calling to make sure you got home alright,” she says. “Have you started unpacking your things yet?”

“Not quite,” Chanyeol answers, shifting a little to peer over at the boxes still stacked near the doorway. “It’s mostly laundry, though, so I’ll do it… in a bit?”

“Make sure you do,” his mom sighs, and as she goes on Chanyeol lets his eyes slips closed again, her voice lulling him back to sleep. “Your dad and I won’t be home until tomorrow night and I don’t want you to not have anything clean to wear until then. Especially since you have plans tonight, right?”

“Right,” Chanyeol mumbles back. Then his brain catches up with him, and his eyes snap open. He’s pretty sure he didn’t let slip to his mother that he was going out that night with Baekhyun and the others. Especially since the main item on the itinerary was ‘get drunk’.

He sits up abruptly, suddenly feeling very awake. “Uh, I mean, what plans?” he asks, as innocently as he can manage.

“Did you forget?” his mom laughs. “I told you last week on the phone, Mrs Oh called me and asked if you could watch her son for a night once you were home. You said it was alright with you.”

Chanyeol vaguely remembers that conversation, but he’s pretty sure he was more focused on his econ textbook at the time. Either way, it’s still an inconvenient roadblock in the way of his stress-reliever plans at Baekhyun’s house. “So I have a - a _babysitting_ gig? With Oh Sehun?”

“I know it’s been a while,” his mom says, “but his parents asked for you specifically. Mrs Oh said she remembers how good you used to be with him.” Chanyeol groans and flops back down on the bed, but she talks over him. “They’re going out tonight and they don’t want to leave him home alone, so he’ll come over a bit later to spend the night--”

“But _Mom_ ,” Chanyeol gripes, “he’s gotta be like sixteen, why do I have to watch him?”

“He’s seventeen now, Chanyeol--”

“That’s even worse,” he whines.

“I thought you liked Sehun!” his mom exclaims. “You babysat him quite a few times, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, back when I was a _babysitter_ , not a college student.” He rolls onto his back and presses his free hand over his eyes. “I haven’t spoken to him since the summer before I moved to campus, Mom.”

“You babysat that Jongin boy, too,” she hums, “and you’re still friends with him.”

“Because Jongin grew up,” Chanyeol huffs. “Plus, he knew what bed time meant, and wasn’t a little brat.”

“Chanyeol,” his mom chides. “Be nice.”

Chanyeol heaves a sigh and glares up at the ceiling. “Sorry, I just-- why do I need to babysit if he’s seventeen? Can’t he stay home alone?”

“Mrs Oh told me he’s had some trouble,” his mom explains patiently. “They don’t let him be alone in the house overnight anymore. Apparently the last time they did, he invited his friends over for a party.”

“A party?” Chanyeol laughs in disbelief, sitting up again. “Baby Sehun had a party with his parents were out?”

“I was as surprised as you are,” his mom sighs. “But I’m glad you understand. He’ll be heading over around seven, so remember to do your laundry, please.”

“I will,” Chanyeol says, then pauses, backtracking. “Wait, I didn’t say I was okay with--”

“I have to go, sweetheart. Call me later, okay?”

“ _Mom--_ ”

“I love you! Have fun!” She hangs up with a loud click. Chanyeol stares down at his phone screen, feeling very betrayed.

[from.Chanyeol] 4:06  
> yo i gotta bail on tonight

[from.Baekhyun] 4:08  
> wtf  
> wtf wtf wtf yeol  
> come the fuck on man

[from.Chanyeol] 4:09  
> NOT MY FAULT OK  
> mom told neighbours that id watch their kid this wknd

[from.Baekhyun] 4:09  
> babysitting r u kidding me

[from.Chanyeol] 4:09  
> not babysitting  
> hes 17

[from.Baekhyun] 4:10  
> LMFAO

Chanyeol tosses his phone away with a huff and stands up, looking around his bedroom. The three boxes he had carried in from Kyungsoo’s car are still stacked by the door, and he makes a face as he approaches the pile. He had skipped laundry day last week, knowing he could just bring everything home to wash instead of using the rickety machines at the dorm. Now, faced with three full boxes of unwashed college student clothing, he regrets it just a little. He just hopes his mom’s lavender-scented fabric softener will make his efforts worth it.

As he starts to sift through the top box, his mind drifts to Oh Sehun. He couldn’t have been older than thirteen the last time Chanyeol saw him, waving from his driveway as he always did when Chanyeol left his house after babysitting. It felt a bit weird to call it that, babysitting, when Sehun was basically a teenager at that point, but Chanyeol knew that there wasn’t a ‘correct age’ for parents to start leaving their kids home alone - it was whenever your kid was comfortable with it... and you could trust them not to burn your house down. Still, seventeen might be pushing it a little.

It could be alright, the ever-optimistic part of his brain chimes in. Maybe Sehun is excited to see him again. They’ll catch up, it’ll be fine. After all, Chanyeol supposes, pausing as he empties the entire box into his laundry hamper, it _has_ been almost four years since the last time they saw each other. The more he thinks about it, the more Chanyeol wonders what Sehun has been up to while he’s been gone.

He dumps the clothes from the other two boxes into the hamper as well, just barely catching the textbooks hidden in the bottom one, before dragging it down the hall to the laundry room to deal with later. In the meantime, he surveys the rest of the house, trying to remember the babysitting course he had taken all those years ago. Something about fire hazards? Should the cabinets have child-proof locks? Are his kitchen counters kid-safe?

Although, Chanyeol reminds himself, Sehun isn’t really a kid anymore. Chanyeol isn’t sure what to expect. He thinks again of Sehun throwing a party while his parents were away, frowning as he tries to picture it, but it just doesn’t seem like anything the scrawny thirteen-year-old he used to know would do. Sehun wasn’t petulant or obnoxious - a little smart-mouthed, maybe, definitely annoying sometimes, but he was a good kid. Not someone Chanyeol would’ve pegged for a future wild party host. Baby Sehun must’ve changed since Chanyeol left - he’s just not sure how much.

He hides the alcohol he had gotten for that night, just to be safe.

\--

Seven o’clock sneaks up almost unnoticably, and when the inevitable knock on the front door comes, every calm thought flies out of Chanyeol’s head as he trips over to answer it. He spares a moment for one final deep breath before he turns the knob, and pulls it open to reveal a familiar pale teenager with a backpack over one shoulder and bangs falling into his eyes.

“Hi,” Chanyeol greets, trying to smile.

“Hi,” Sehun says, sounding a little bored. He shifts his feet a little and looks over Chanyeol’s shoulder. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, of course!” Chanyeol moves aside to let him in, staring after him as he goes. He’s taller than he used to be, Chanyeol notes as Sehun drops his bag in the hall and moves to the living room. A little less awkward-looking, like he’s almost grown into his long limbs. His shoulders are broader, his jaw sharper. Chanyeol follows him into the room and finds him on the couch, one foot propped up on the low coffee table, and tries his best to keep smiling.

“So,” he starts, sitting gingerly on the other end of the couch. “It’s been a while, huh?”

Sehun nods, but doesn’t say anything.

Chanyeol rubs his suddenly sweaty palms on his jeans and looks around the room, pretending he can’t feel the awkward atmosphere settling in. He realizes a bit belatedly that he has no idea how to entertain a seventeen-year-old. Should he ask him about school? Movies, maybe? Give him a juice box?

“I heard you threw a party,” he ends up saying. Smooth. Not exactly a thing he wanted to bring up in the next twenty-four hours, but at least it makes Sehun look over at him.

“I did,” he says slowly, like he’s not sure if Chanyeol is making fun or not. Chanyeol gives him an encouraging smile, but Sehun looks away, shrugging. “Just, you know, some people. Alcohol. A shitty DJ. Sparklers.” He sniffs. “Nothing special.”

Chanyeol frowns a little at how disinterested he seems. For a party he hosted himself, Sehun doesn’t seems to have much to say about it. Maybe that’s how Sehun rolls now, Chanyeol supposes. Maybe he’s one of those too-cool-to-care types - which is a little sad when he considers it, remembering all the times he couldn’t get Sehun to shut up about whatever it was that he had seen on Discovery channel any given week. At the time, he was probably annoyed beyond belief, but now, watching Sehun blink at the ceiling, he kind of misses the chatter.

“Okay, good talk,” Chanyeol says, plastering another smile on and getting to his feet. Sehun looks up at him, eyebrows raised. “What do you think, dinner time?”

“Sure,” Sehun says, shrugging again. Chanyeol drops the grin, narrowing his eyes, and shoves Sehun’s foot off the table as he passes. Sehun grunts a little and frowns at him, the corners of his mouth turning almost comically low, and Chanyeol has to bite back laughter as he slinks out of the room. At least Sehun’s favourite facial expression hasn’t changed a bit.

There’s chicken in the fridge, which Chanyeol quickly heats up in the oven. Sehun wanders into the kitchen when the timer beeps, and Chanyeol doesn’t miss the deep breath he takes when the spicy scent fills the room. He divides the dish onto two plates and hands one to Sehun, gesturing for him to sit at the kitchen table.

Sehun chooses the chair at the very end, and Chanyeol purposefully sits across from him. He glances up at Sehun every so often, hoping for some other sign that maybe he’s not as different as he first seemed, but with neither of them speaking, it’s kind of hard to tell.

That brings a whole new issue - what can he talk about with Sehun? Chanyeol has no idea how his interests might’ve changed in the last few years, and it seems a little awkward to ask. Besides, what if Sehun doesn’t even _have_ interests anymore? What if he’s too cool for that? Chanyeol doesn’t think he can have a whole conversation about being bored of everything, even if that is Sehun’s thing now.

Maybe they don’t need to have a conversation, though. Sehun doesn’t seem very inclined to talk much anyway, not anymore, and while Chanyeol expresses himself better in words, he supposes he can just… sit quietly. Keep him company. Maybe later they can find something to talk about.

His thoughts are cut off by his phone vibrating on the table, the buzzing noise amplified by the hard surface. He snatches it up and glances at the caller ID, sighing when he sees _BAEKHYUN♡_ and pushing his chair back.

“Sorry, I should answer this,” he says, glancing at Sehun, who looks up at him for a split second before pulling his gaze back down with a shrug. “I’ll be like, two seconds,” Chanyeol promises. Sehun just waves him off, but Chanyeol catches the edge of a frown on his face before he ducks out of the kitchen to answer his phone. He really thought they were about to be getting somewhere - curse Baekhyun’s horrible timing.

“Why are you calling me?” Chanyeol asks as soon as the line connects.

“Yo,” Baekhyun says in greeting. “You got booze for tonight, right?”

Not quite what he was expecting, but at least no one’s dead or dying. “I did,” Chanyeol answers slowly.

“Okay, can you bring it over? Jongdae doesn’t want to do another run to the store.”

Chanyeol sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Baek, I told you, I’m kind of occupied.”

“Can’t you step out for like ten minutes?” Baekhyun whines.

“I’m not supposed to leave him alone--”

“Okay, okay, okay,” Baekhyun cuts him off, sighing dramatically. “It’s fine. It’s all good. We’ll all just sit here halfway-drunk instead of pleasantly smashed. It’s alright.”

Chanyeol rolls his eyes. “I’ll figure something out, okay? Maybe I can get someone else to drop it off for you guys.”

“Cool,” Baekhyun says, suddenly chipper again. “I knew I could count on you--”

“Yeah, you’re welcome, I know I’m great,” Chanyeol interrupts, “but I really am busy right now. Text me later, or something.”

“Or something,” Baekhyun sing-songs, but he does finally hang up, and Chanyeol returns to the kitchen.

Sehun is still sitting at the table, although he looks sort of stiff - and he hasn’t touched his plate at all, Chanyeol notes with a frown.

“Who was that?” he asks as Chanyeol sits back down.

Chanyeol blinks at him, surprised but pleased that Sehun spoke up first. “Ah, just a friend of mine,” he tells him, trying to keep from tapping his feet excitedly under the table. “We’re both on break from college right now, so he’s having a party tonight.”

“Oh.” Sehun looks down, fiddling with his fork. “... Are you-- leaving?”

Chanyeol resists the urge to reach across the table a ruffle his hair, choosing instead to smile at him while he’s not looking. “Nah, I’m staying here.”

Sehun’s shoulders slump a little in relief, but he just nods, then picks up his fork properly and goes back to his dinner. Chanyeol smiles a little wider.

When they finish eating, Chanyeol sends Sehun back to the living room while he washes the dishes. Halfway through and elbow deep in suds, he remembers what he had promised Baekhyun, and carefully pulls out his phone to tap out a message with his remaining three dry fingers.

[from.Chanyeol] 8:06  
> can u do me 1 more favour?

[from.Kyungsoo] 8:07  
> Will I be reimbursed for my time and energy?

[from.Chanyeol] 8:08  
> can u come over and pick up the drinks i brought home w me  
> and then drop them off somewhere

[from.Kyungsoo] 8:11  
> Ugh, fine. Where?

[from.Chanyeol] 8:11  
> baekhyuns house?  
> PLEAS E  
> kyungsoo  
> pls

[from.Kyungsoo] 8:18  
> Fine.  
> This is the ONLY TIME I am ever doing this, don’t get used to it.

“You’re gonna drop that in the sink,” Sehun says, suddenly behind him, and Chanyeol very nearly does drop his phone in the soapy water before Sehun plucks it out of his hand.

“Christ,” he sighs, hanging his head and letting his heart slow down a little. “Don’t sneak up on people like that, you’ll give someone a heart attack.”

Sehun hums, leaning back against the counter to scroll through the messages. His lips curve up just a little, but it’s enough for Chanyeol. Smiling to himself, he turns back to the sink to finish rinsing the dishes and let the water drain.

“As long as you’ve got that,” he says, drying his hands, “can you send him like, sixteen hearts, please? Any colour is fine.”

Sehun raises his eyebrows a little but taps the screen a few times. He passes the phone back to Chanyeol when he holds his hand out for it, then crosses his arms, still leaning on the counter.

“Who’s Kyungsoo?” he asks, looking away across the room like the answer doesn’t really interest him. Distracted by Sehun’s expression, it takes Chanyeol a moment to realize that he must’ve read the name at the top of the message log.

“He’s a friend from the college,” he answers, slipping his phone back into his pocket and mirroring Sehun’s pose, leaning against the sink with his arms crossed. “We met in first year, and we moved in together last fall.”

Sehun hums, nodding. “Is he your boyfriend?”

Chanyeol chokes on the next breath he takes, steadying himself with a hand on the counter. “He’s my _roommate_ ,” he wheezes. “Did you not see all the times in our message log that he’s threatened my life?”

Sehun looks over at him, his eyebrows knit together. “But-- hearts--”

“I do that with everyone,” Chanyeol says quickly. “Or, at least, everyone I’m friends with? I don’t text, like, the dentist’s office with hearts, or anything…” He trails off a little awkwardly, watching Sehun as he frowns at the floor. A few seconds of silence pass before he finds his voice again. “Uh, why did you think--?”

“Can I take a shower?” Sehun cuts him off, already turning to leave the kitchen before Chanyeol can untie his tongue.

“Um, yeah, sure.” He follows Sehun out of the kitchen and into the hallway. “There’s towels in the cabinet, top shelf,” he calls after him as he enters the bathroom. “Do you need me to show you how--?”

“Got it, thanks,” Sehun calls back, and closes the bathroom door just as Chanyeol reaches it.

The whiplash conversation topics are going to take some getting used to, Chanyeol supposes, still trying to figure out exactly what just happened as he stares at the closed door. Sehun used to do the same sort of thing when he was younger, but it was a bit easier to follow a preteen’s train of thought than a moody teenager’s - and then this _boyfriend_ thing?

Chanyeol tries to imagine Kyungsoo’s face upon hearing that someone thought they were dating. It’s almost more hilarious than terrifying.

He almost doesn’t realize when the shower comes on, the sound of water hitting wall tiles muffled through the door, and when the noise suddenly gets even softer, it takes Chanyeol a moment to realize it’s because Sehun has stepped under the spray. For a split second he pictures it, Sehun with his head tipped back as steaming water runs down his neck and chest--

And then there’s a knock at the front door, and Chanyeol scrubs a hand over his face, shoving the thoughts to the very back of his mind as he goes to answer it.

As soon as he opens the door, an annoyed-looking Kyungsoo pushes past him. “You owe me for this,” he growls.

“Nice to see you, too,” Chanyeol says weakly, and follows him into the kitchen.

“I can’t _believe_ I’m doing this for you,” Kyungsoo rants as Chanyeol retrieves the alcohol he had hidden earlier. “Don’t even think of trying to make this a habit, I’m not a delivery boy-- or is this some weird scheme to try to get me to be friends with Baekhyun? Because that’s not happening, okay, _ever_. No matter what you or they others try to pull, I will _never_ \--”

He stops mid-sentence, staring at Chanyeol as he holds the bag out. “What’s wrong?”

Chanyeol blinks at him, dragging his thoughts away from the shower. “What? Nothing.”

Kyungsoo narrows his eyes at him. Chanyeol tries his best to look clueless, praying Kyungsoo can’t read minds.

“You’re paying me this time,” Kyungsoo says after a few seconds, and turns on his heel, heading towards the door.

Chanyeol breathes a quiet sigh of relief and stumbles after him. “S-sure, whatever you want.”

“I’ll tell you how much later. It’ll depend on how…” he pauses, searching for the word. “How _civil_ Baekhyun decides to be.”

Chanyeol grimaces. “I… guess that’s fair.”

“I thought so,” Kyungsoo sniffs, and opens the front door - but he pauses there, and glances back at Chanyeol instead. “Are you sure you’re alright?” he asks quietly, the genuine concern in his voice making Chanyeol smile a little.

“I’m fine,” Chanyeol says, trying to laugh as he waves him off. “Tell Baekhyun to have a good time for me.”

Kyungsoo glares at him, but Chanyeol can tell there’s no real heat in it. “Have a good evening, for my sake,” he sighs, and continues out the door.

After closing it behind him, Chanyeol turns back to the hall just as Sehun comes out of the bathroom. He’s not wearing a shirt, just a small towel slung over his shoulders to catch drips from his wet hair. Chanyeol stares, eyes travelling slowly down his bare torso all the way to the waist of his jeans before he tears his gaze away guiltily and focuses on Sehun’s face instead. He watches him pick up his bag from where he had dropped it in the hall earlier and move back to the bathroom, pausing in the doorway to look over at Chanyeol.

“Need something?” Sehun asks, brushing his bangs out of his eyes. A few water droplets run down his jaw. Chanyeol swallows heavily.

“Nope,” he forces out, trying to smile innocently. “Just. Standing here.”

Sehun smirks at him, then pulls the towel off his shoulders as he re-enters the bathroom. Chanyeol gets a glimpse of his sharp shoulder blades just before the door closes again, and has to turn away before he does something stupid, like picture the shower spray hitting Sehun’s back and shoulders as he arches under it--

He claps his hands over his eyes, refusing to imagine any further. _Sehun is just a kid_ , he tries to tell himself, but a different part of his brain chimes in, reminding him that he isn’t. _Not anymore_. Either way, it still feels weird to think about Sehun like - like _that_ , even if he can’t come up with an excuse as to why.

But now is not the time to be having an internal debate about his morals, Chanyeol decides. He needs to get out of the hallway before Sehun comes back out and sees him still standing there. Things are already awkward enough.

He stumbles to the living room instead, sitting down on the couch just as he hears the bathroom door open again. He fumbles to turn the TV on before Sehun reappears, hoping he looks somewhat casual as he stares hard at the screen without actually registering anything happening on it. The sound of Sehun’s bare feet scuffing along the carpet gets closer and closer until they pause beside the couch and, try as he might, Chanyeol can’t resist glancing up at him.

He’s changed into sweatpants and a loose tank top, somehow looking both put-together and ready for bed. Running one hand through his damp hair, he meets Chanyeol’s gaze and smirks again before dropping onto the couch next to him. He sits just close enough that Chanyeol can feel his body heat even though they’re on separate cushions.

“You look a little tense,” Sehun says, raising an eyebrow. His voice seems a little lower than it had been in the hallway earlier, almost rough.

“Uh,” Chanyeol replies intelligently. “Nope, I’m good.”

Sehun places one hand on the back of the couch and leans in toward Chanyeol, the position coupled with his thin shirt making his collar bones protrude slightly. Chanyeol makes himself look back at the TV, intent on avoiding thoughts of the shower while Sehun is right beside him. _He’s just a kid, don’t think about--_

“Are you sure?” Sehun murmurs, his minty breath fanning lightly across Chanyeol’s cheek.

Chanyeol turns to him suddenly, eyes narrowed. “Did you use my toothpaste?”

“What?” Sehun pulls back to his side of the couch and gives him a weird look. “No, I brought my own.”

“Huh.” Chanyeol sniffs the air once before leaning back against the cushions and picking up the TV remote. “Maybe we use the same kind. Wanna watch a movie?”

He can feel Sehun staring at him but refuses to look. If he gets one more smirk turned his way, he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to get his concentration back.

“Sure,” Sehun says slowly, taking his hand off the back of the couch and turning to face the TV properly. He seems a little put out for some reason. Chanyeol hopes his accusations about the toothpaste didn’t offend him too much.

There are a few not-quite-late night action films on, and Chanyeol purposefully selects the longest one without looking at the description. Three hours of staring at the TV screen and thinking about explosions instead of how Sehun had looked with water droplets running down his chest? It’s arguably the best plan he’s had all day. He settles into his seat as the opening credits start, stealing a singular glance at Sehun to make sure he’s doing the same, then shifts his gaze back to the screen and keeps it there.

It seems to work for a while. Almost a full hour passes with Chanyeol managing to keep his mind from wandering, but then something moves in his peripheral vision, and without thinking he looks back over at Sehun’s half of the couch. He takes a moment to berate himself for losing focus before he registers what had caught his attention - Sehun is halfway to nodding off, slumping forward a little and then drawing himself back up to blink sleepily at the TV.

Chanyeol nudges him in the arm, startling him awake. “Tired?” He asks, but Sehun shakes his head and looks back at the screen. Chanyeol watches him out of the corner of his eye, stifling snickers when only a few minutes later Sehun looks about to drop off again. A particularly loud explosion from the film wakes him up though, and he rubs his eyes before settling forward with his elbows on his knees, seeming intent on paying attention.

It doesn’t work. Chanyeol misses the next few scenes of the movie, instead watching Sehun’s valiant attempts to stay awake and poking him in the side when he inevitably starts to doze.

“This is turning into a serious memory lane experience,” Chanyeol laughs, after nudging him awake for the sixth time.

Sehun rubs his side where Chanyeol had jabbed him, pouting. “Huh?”

“You used to do this all the time when I was babysitting,” Chanyeol sighs. “You’d refuse to go to bed even though you were literally two seconds from passing out on the couch. I always had to wait until you were really asleep and then carry you to your bedroom.”

Sehun flushes a little, sitting up straighter. “I’m not about to pass out,” he grumbles

“If you say so,” Chanyeol muses, rolling his eyes.

They both focus back on the TV screen and the frequent explosions happening there, silence settling over them again - until Chanyeol’s phone buzzes, and he pulls it out of his pocket to glance at the screen.

[from.Jongdae] 11:42  
> HEY  
> WSAUSP

There’s an image attached, a blurry photo of Jongdae with a drink in his hand, grinning at his phone camera. Chanyeol really expected no less.

[from.Chanyeol] 11:43  
> handsome as usual  
> kyungsoo delivered the drinks ok then?

[from.Jongdae] 11:44  
> YA  
> GUESS WHAT ELSE HE DELIEVRED

Three more images come through in rapid succession, and Chanyeol is unsurprised to see that the first is an out-of-focus shot of Baekhyun’s couch, with someone’s legs at the edge of the frame. The second is also pretty blurry, but the person-shaped parts of it look sort of like Kyungsoo and Baekhyun, sitting on the couch together. Being civil. Chanyeol saves the image to his phone to feel triumphant about later. The third photo, though--

It’s in such sharp, perfect focus that Chanyeol isn’t quite sure, at first, what exactly he’s looking at. Baekhyun, it appears to be. Still on the couch but no longer beside Kyungsoo, because Kyungsoo is definitely sitting in Baekhyun’s lap, and their faces are pressed close together - or rather, their mouths are. Chanyeol nearly drops his phone.

There’s no way Jongdae just sent him a photo of Kyungsoo and Baekhyun _necking_ \- but there’s no way it could be mistaken for anything else, either. He sends a row of frantic question marks back to Jongdae. He gets another blurry selfie in return.

“Who’s that?” Sehun asks, peering over his shoulder, and Chanyeol startles enough that he really does drop his phone on the floor.

He swipes it up and clears his throat, then scrolls back through the photos to show Sehun, making sure to skip very quickly over the more _intimate_ one. “Another high school friend,” he explains. “He’s at that party I mentioned, probably having too much fun for his own good.”

Sehun frowns, watching the photos flick by. “You have a lot of high school friends,” he says after a moment.

“I guess I do,” Chanyeol hums. “It feels like I’ve known them for longer, though. I’m happy we all stayed close even though we’re at different colleges.”

He puts his phone away and Sehun looks up at him, still hovering by his shoulder. “What do you do when you’re all away from each other?”

“Well, we… miss each other, obviously,” Chanyeol says with a shrug. “But that’s what school breaks are for. Besides, I think if you’re close with a person, you won’t let something like cities between you and them get in the way of that.” He pauses to glance over at Sehun with a sheepish grin. “That sounds pretty cheesy, doesn’t it?”

“No, it’s fine,” Sehun says, leaning slightly into Chanyeol’s side as he shifts a little, drawing his legs up to get more comfortable. “It made sense.”

Chanyeol watches him for a moment, then drops his gaze to his hands in his lap. “It’s important to come home, though.”

“To see people you miss?”

“Well, yeah,” Chanyeol says, “but also… I think sometimes there’s stuff you don’t even realize you’ve missed until you’re around it again. Like your bedroom, or a certain food, or... a person, maybe.”

Sehun doesn’t respond, and when Chanyeol sneaks another glance at him he finds the other boy fast asleep, his cheek just barely brushing Chanyeol’s shoulder. Chanyeol rolls his eyes, unsure why he expected anything different.

It is getting pretty late, though, so he turns off the TV and slides carefully off the couch to tidy up the room. He grabs a spare blanket from the hall closet and gently leads Sehun to lie down across the couch cushions, but pauses just as he’s about to throw the blanket over him and leave, watching Sehun’s sleeping face. The ever-present crease between his brows is smoothed out for once, and his lips are parted softly instead of down turned. He seems younger, less troubled. It’s the most like his old self he’s looked since he arrived.

Chanyeol thinks again of how he used to carry Sehun to bed after he had passed out on the couch, and takes a long glance down the hall to his own bedroom door before looking back down at Sehun’s sleeping form.

“Just this once,” he sighs to himself, and shifts to get his arms underneath Sehun’s back and legs. Seventeen year-old Sehun is quite a bit heavier than Chanyeol remembers thirteen year-old Sehun being, and he nearly topples over when he first lifts him up, but somehow Chanyeol manages to carry him all the way down the hall to his bedroom without smacking Sehun’s head against any of the walls.

He flicks the light on with his elbow and drops Sehun onto the bed, but only gets half a step back towards the door before he hears him stirring.

“Chanyeol?” Sehun mumbles, rubbing his eyes with one hand and propping himself up with the other. He squints confusedly at the bedspread underneath him. “Where--?”

“You’re in my room, don’t worry,” Chanyeol tells him. “You can go back to sleep-- hey, don’t get up!” But Sehun is already sitting up and moving to climb off the bed. “Come on,” Chanyeol whines, “I didn’t carry you in here just for you to go fall asleep on the couch again.”

“I won’t,” Sehun insists, legs hanging off the edge of the bed as he rubs his eyes again. “I’m not that tired.”

Chanyeol cannot believe he is having this conversation with a seventeen-year-old. “Yeah, I could tell by the way you were almost drooling on my shoulder. Just stay in here and go to sleep,” he says, backing up towards the door again.

Sehun looks about to protest, but stops as Chanyeol reaches for the lightswitch, mouth snapping shut. He quickly pulls his legs back onto the bed, eyes never leaving Chanyeol’s hand.

Chanyeol raises his eyebrows a little, not really expecting it to be that easy to get Sehun to stay in bed, but he’ll take what he can get. “Goodnight,” he sing-songs, hovering over the lightswitch to turn it off with a flourish.

“Leave it on,” Sehun says quickly.

Chanyeol pauses, giving Sehun a weird look. “What? You can’t sleep with the light on.”

“I can,” Sehun insists, eyes still on Chanyeol’s hand. “Don’t turn it off, I’ll go to sleep--”

“Sehun, seriously,” Chanyeol sighs. He’s too old for this. “Just lie down, I’m turning it off.”

“Please,” Sehun says weakly, his voice wavering a little. “Please don’t, I’ll sleep, I swear.”

Chanyeol rolls his eyes. “You’ll sleep better without the light,” he says with finality, and flicks it off. The room goes pitch-black, and he has a few seconds to feel satisfied before Sehun breaks the silence with a high, terrified whine. It sends a shiver up Chanyeol’s spine, freezing him in place until the sound of Sehun’s shuddery, half-sobbed breathing breaks him out of it.

“Whoa, okay,” Chanyeol calls out shakily, flipping the light back on and quickly crossing the room to the bed where Sehun has his eyes squeezed shut and knees pulled up to his chest, struggling for breath.

“Sehun?” Chanyeol murmurs. “Hey, look at me.” Sehun does open his eyes, but it doesn’t make him look any less scared. Up close, Chanyeol can see that his face is wet - he’s crying, but he doesn’t seem to notice the tears spilling over. And he’s still breathing like he’s about to hyperventilate.

Chanyeol sits on the edge of the bed and tugs one of Sehun’s hands away from where it’s clamped around his knees, holding it to his chest instead. “Sehun,” he tries again, “it’s okay. Just breathe, alright?” He starts inhaling and exhaling as slow and exaggerated as he can with a freak out of his own bubbling up, keeping Sehun’s hand pressed against his sternum and hoping he’ll understand the rhythm.

After a few breaths, Sehun’s fingers fist in his shirt, and Chanyeol can feel him trying to slow his own breathing down, choking a little at first but eventually matching Chanyeol’s pace. Chanyeol holds his hand against his chest for a few minutes longer, until the slow breaths feel natural for both of them.

Sehun moves first, letting go of his shirt, but Chanyeol keeps his hand in between both of his own. “You alright?”

Sehun sniffs. He’s shaking a little, tear tracks dried on his face, and he looks down instead of meeting Chanyeol’s concerned gaze. “Yeah,” he whispers, wiping his face with his free hand, but his eyes are still a bit puffy. Chanyeol squeezes his fingers and hopes it feels comforting.

He lets a silence stretch between them for as long as he can stand before speaking up again, trying to sound casual. “So… what was that?” It doesn’t really work.

Sehun lets out a long breath and tugs his hand out of Chanyeol’s grip, dropping it into his lap instead. “I’m nyctophobic.”

Chanyeol squints at him. “You have a fear of… beds?”

“Fear of the dark, asshole,” Sehun says sharply, shooting him a glare, but Chanyeol can see his cheeks reddening.

“Oh.” He pauses, not entirely sure how much Sehun wants to talk about it. “Is it okay? I mean, does _this_ happen every night, or…?”

Sehun shakes his head. “No, it’s only really when I’m… alone.” He shifts a little, looking away. “Or stressed, or something. I don’t know why it--” He cuts off with a sigh, ducking his head again. “I think I’m just. Tired.”

Chanyeol nods slowly. “I guess you don’t really want to go to sleep just yet, though.” Sehun doesn’t look up, but after a moment he shakes his head again. “Well, we can do late-night laundry instead,” Chanyeol says, getting to his feet and holding his hand out with a sheepish smile. “I forgot to do it earlier. But laundry’s a calming activity, isn’t it?”

Sehun does glance up at him then, giving him a weird look, but after a moment he takes Chanyeol’s hand again and follows him out of the bedroom.

The overflowing hamper is already in the laundry room, right where Chanyeol had left it earlier. He sighs at it, but gives Sehun a reassuring smile before dropping his hand so he can tug open the door on the washing machine and start tossing clothes inside.

Sehun hoists himself up to sit on top of the machine as Chanyeol fills it, bringing his knees up and resting his arms on them. Chanyeol glances up at him once, hoping the clean, flowery scent of the room is helping him, even just a little. It’s quiet between them while Chanyeol closes the door and straightens up to turn it on, and then the low rumbling of the wash cycle fills the silence until Sehun speaks up.

“I didn’t really throw a party,” he says quietly, barely louder than the machine beneath him. Chanyeol takes a step closer, afraid to miss any of his words. “I’ve been to some - nothing, like, hardcore, just teenagers getting drunk with loud music, but…” He shakes his head, smiling a little. “They were a good time, you know? It was the middle of the night but it wasn’t dark. There was light and sound everywhere. And I was never alone.”

Chanyeol smiles back at him. His earlier vision of Sehun has some sort of party child begins to crumble, and he feels lighter for it. “So what happened at your house?”

Sehun looks down, shrugging. “My parents left for the night and I was alone, and I invited people over so I wouldn’t be.”

“That doesn’t really sound like a wild party,” Chanyeol says, trying to sound bright.

“It wasn’t,” Sehun agrees. “But my friends invited their friends, and someone showed up with drinks, and it just… got out of hand.”

Chanyeol frowns. “Your friends don’t seem very… friendly.”

Sehun shrugs one shoulder. “I guess they weren’t.”

He drops his gaze and Chanyeol takes another step closer, resting his hands on top of the washing machine. “Did you tell all this to your parents?” he asks.

“I tried to,” Sehun sighs. “It still happened in their house, while I was there.” Chanyeol frowns again, about to protest, but Sehun keeps talking, even softer than before.

“I was glad you let me come over,” he says, leaning his head back against the wall and letting his legs hang off the edge of the machine. His knees bracket Chanyeol’s hips, almost like he’s holding him there. “I think they deserve some time away from me.”

It hits Chanyeol, suddenly, that this boy in front of him isn’t the kid he used to know, not really, not anymore. He’s older, wiser - maybe a little more bruised up and roughened, but more real. Watching Sehun take slow breaths to fill the space he just hollowed out in himself, Chanyeol decides he likes this Sehun better, anyway.

“I’m tired,” Sehun says, after another few moments of quiet.

“You can lie back down in my room,” Chanyeol tells him. Sehun hesitates but eventually nods, and takes the hand Chanyeol offers him to help him climb down off the machine as it continues rumbling.

He keeps his grip as they go back down the hall to Chanyeol’s room. The light is still on, and after Sehun follows him inside, he drops Chanyeol’s hand and heads over to the bed.

“Do you want to sleep?” Chanyeol asks quietly, closing the door behind them. “You can leave the light on.”

Sehun hums, sitting down on the edge of the mattress. “Are you sleeping in here?”

Chanyeol blinks a couple times. He was going to head over to the couch after Sehun fell asleep, but…

“Uh, if you want me to?” he answers slowly.

“Then it’s fine,” Sehun says, and lies down on his side, facing the centre of the bed. “Turn it off.”

Chanyeol does. He hesitates for a moment afterwards, but Sehun stays quiet, so Chanyeol crosses the room and climbs onto the bed beside him. He lies down facing him, and once his eyes adjust to the dark he can see that Sehun still has his eyes open, face turned up to the ceiling.

“Something wrong?” Chanyeol asks softly. He wants to reach out and take Sehun’s hand again.

Sehun lets out a long breath before he answers. “No, I’m fine.” He closes his eyes, almost like he’s bracing for something. “I wish you missed me.”

Guilt swirls in the pit of Chanyeol’s stomach. He sits up with a frown, looking down at Sehun, but the other boy keeps his eyes closed.

“That sounds selfish, right?” Sehun says, sounding almost like he’s laughing at himself. “But I can’t help it. Your friends at that party tonight, they don’t know how lucky they are.”

Chanyeol feels even worse, thinking of how many times he had checked his phone that night. He opens his mouth to apologize, but Sehun keeps talking.

“You know, I... I was really excited to see you again,” he admits quietly. “I wanted to show you how different I was from the annoying kid you used to babysit. I wanted you to like me.”

“I do like you,” Chanyeol says quickly, but Sehun shakes his head.

“You don’t get it. I had this whole plan. I knew you would find out about the party, so I tried to act like - like the kind of person who really would go to parties like that.” His eyebrows draw together, but his eyes stay closed. “Someone confident and unafraid to go after what they want… or _who_ they want.”

Realization dawns over Chanyeol. “So you mean-- the shower? And on the couch earlier? That was all…”

He trails off as Sehun nods, smiling a little. “I thought I could get you to look at me and see something different,” he says, and opens his eyes. “But it didn’t really work, did it?”

Uncalled for, Chanyeol’s mind supplies him with the image of Sehun under the spray of the shower. “Not… really.”

“I don’t know what I was thinking,” Sehun says, laughing a little as he does, but it sounds bitter. “I guess I thought that you’d like me if I - if I could just show you that I’m not the same kid you left behind. But I am, I’m still - still _this_ , still scared of the dark.” He cuts off with an impatient noise, and turns onto his side, towards Chanyeol. When he speaks again, it’s quieter. “I guess what I _really_ wanted was… for you to miss me. Even if you forgot tomorrow, I just wanted one moment where I could pretend you missed me like I missed you.”

He’s crying, Chanyeol realizes with a start, the tears dripping onto the bedspread by his cheek. Sehun seems to notice a moment later, upset at his own reaction. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this,” he huffs, wiping at his eyes roughly.

Chanyeol does take his hand then, gently pulling it away from his face, and Sehun finally looks up at him.

“I don’t know either,” Chanyeol admits, looking at Sehun’s hand between his own instead of at the drying tears on his face. “You thought about me so much and… I can’t say the same. I’m sorry.”

Sehun frowns and tries to pull his hand back, but Chanyeol holds on tight. “What I do know,” he continues, quieter, “is that when I go back to college next week, I’ll miss you. Not thirteen-year-old you from when I left way back when, but… you from right now.”

When Sehun doesn’t respond, Chanyeol glances at him and finds him looking away, down at the tearstains on the blanket underneath them - but he carefully, hesitantly wraps his fingers around Chanyeol’s.

“Really?” he asks in a whisper, blushing a little but still not looking up.

Chanyeol lies back down beside him, slinging one arm over Sehun’s waist and shifting so he can rest his cheek against Sehun’s hair. “Yeah, really.”

He feels Sehun exhale shakily and tightens his grip around him. They stay like that, Chanyeol’s arm around Sehun and Sehun holding his other hand between them, not even bothering with blankets. Chanyeol feels it when Sehun falls asleep, the last bit of tension leaving his body as his breathing evens out. Before he lets himself drift off though, he presses a kiss to the crown of Sehun’s head, lingering there for a moment.

It feels right. Not like starting over. Just starting.

\--

[from.Chanyeol] 10:16  
> morning sunshine!!!  
> _attached image: 04_12.jpg_

[from.Kyungsoo] 10:20  
> Not awake go away  
> _view image? [no]_

“Um, Chanyeol,” Sehun calls quietly, and Chanyeol looks up from his phone screen to grin at him across the kitchen. He’s standing in the doorway, looking a little more than half-asleep as he rubs his eyes. “What are you doing?”

“Making breakfast,” Chanyeol answers cheerily, putting his phone down to swipe up a spatula instead and stare at the stovetop as a pancake takes shape there. Sehun furrows his brow and pads over to the kitchen table, where a plate is already waiting for him.

“Smiley pancakes?”

“Obviously.”

Sehun wrinkles his nose. “You know I’m not ten years old anymore, right? I thought we established that.”

Chanyeol sticks his tongue out at him. “Maybe I just like happy pancakes. Are you gonna eat, or not?”

Sehun rolls his eyes, but does sit down and pick up a fork.

For a few minutes it’s quiet in the kitchen, save the sound of pancakes cooking, until Chanyeol’s phone vibrates on the counter.

“Who’s texting you now?” Sehun asks through a mouthful, staring at him incredulously. “Aren’t all your friends hungover?”

“Probably,” Chanyeol agrees.

[from.Kyungsoo] 10:35  
> This is baekhyun i cant find my phone  
> What did u send  
> _view image? [yes]_  
> RLY

[from.Chanyeol] 10:36  
> :D

[from.Kyungsoo] 10:36  
> GO fuck urself  
> Where did u get this u werent even here

[from.Chanyeol] 10:37  
> maybe i was WHOOAAAAAA

[from.Kyungsoo] 10:37  
> Kyungsoo says ur an idiot

[from.Chanyeol] 10:37  
> is he with u right now??  
> wasnt he asleep???  
> did u sleep together?????

[from.Kyungsoo] 10:39  
> This is Kyungsoo.  
> I’m feeling generous so I won’t charge you for yesterday.  
> But I might change my mind if you don’t let me go back to sleep.

Chanyeol grimaces and quickly puts his phone down.

Sehun snickers as he puts his plate in the sink, and Chanyeol comes up behind him to poke him in the ribs. “Just because you’re not ten anymore doesn’t mean you can disrespect your elders,” he tells him, trying to be stern, but he breaks into a grin before he can finish the sentence, and Sehun laughs harder.

He stands close while Chanyeol washes the breakfast dishes, leaning against the counter like he had the night before but this time watching Chanyeol unabashedly. Chanyeol can’t imagine what’s so interesting about washing a frying pan, but the feeling of Sehun’s eyes on him is nice. A little thrilling, even.

“So,” Sehun starts after a few minutes of silence, “what now?”

Chanyeol looks up at him confusedly. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you’re going back to college in a few days,” he says, mumbling it, and drops his gaze to the floor. “And I’ll still be… here.”

Holding his soapy hands above the sink, Chanyeol turns to face him. “I told you last night, didn’t I? I won’t let distance get in the way.” He reaches out with one foot to nudge Sehun’s shin. “Just because you’re here and I’m there doesn’t mean we’ll forget about each other.”

Sehun nods slowly, eventually peeking up at him with a smile. For the first time, Chanyeol is hit with the urge to kiss it off his face.

If only his hands weren’t covered in soap bubbles. If only he cared less about getting water all over the tile floor. If only Sehun were standing a little closer…

“What about right now, at this very moment?” Sehun asks, bringing Chanyeol back to the present. “What do you want to do?”

The tile floor can handle a few drips, Chanyeol decides, abandoning the sink. He steps across the gap between them into Sehun’s personal space, and presses a kiss to his mouth.

His lips are soft and warm and taste a little bit like maple syrup. He kisses back shyly, and Chanyeol can’t help the pleased flapping of his soapy hands by his sides. Sehun smiles against his mouth and presses closer, and without thinking Chanyeol lifts his hands to cup Sehun’s jaw, realizing a few seconds later that he’s only making more of a mess. By the time they break away from each other, the floor around them is speckled with soap bubbles and small puddles, and Sehun’s cheeks are looking a little sudsy. Chanyeol grins sheepishly and grabs a dish towel to clean him up.

Sehun blushes as Chanyeol pats his face dry, batting weakly at his hand. “I can do it myself,” he mumbles.

“Sorry,” Chanyeol says, wiping away the last of the soap and then tossing the towel away. “I can’t help it, it’s my babysitting roots. I see a messy face and immediately want to clean it. It’s the same with scrapes and bruises. I was a master at kissing things better.”

Sehun snorts and looks away, down at his feet. Chanyeol shifts a tiny bit closer, until their toes are almost touching. “What’ll you do when you’re back at school?” Sehun asks quietly. “You’ll be too far away for that.”

Chanyeol hums, reaching out to gently tilt Sehun’s face back up. “Well, try not to get hurt until I come back, then. Or maybe you can come visit? I’m pretty sure Kyungsoo owes me one, anyway, since last night he totally got--”

Sehun cuts him off with another kiss. Chanyeol tries not to smile too wide.

It’ll be alright, he supposes, as he presses Sehun back against the counter. They have the rest of the week to figure it out, and even if they don’t, he’s not going to let the distance between them stop Sehun from being close to him.

He does smile then, just a little too wide to be kept inside a kiss, and breaks away to nuzzle against Sehun’s hair again. Whatever it is that they’re starting, he decides, they’ll be okay, and as the hands on his shoulders tighten their grip, he knows Sehun feels it just the same.

**Author's Note:**

> there is a baeksoo side of this that's been a wip for literally 2 years buT ITS GOING TO HAPPEN. 'that time at Junmyeon’s christmas party’ involved a lot of eggnog and some conveniently placed mistletoe, yall can guess the rest  
> also jongin was originally supposed to play a bigger part but it didnt work out so just know that he and sehun were awkward ninth-graders together  
> thanks for reading :-D


End file.
